


She Turns To Those Liars, The Candles Or The Moon

by SlarStarsFanFics



Series: Hey Girl, Open Your Walls [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Blink and you’ll miss it, Bulimia, Discussion of Abortion, Eating Disorders, Genderbending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Multi, Post-Canon, Protective Siblings, Read the tags guys, Unplanned Pregnancy, this is kinda rough stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23415736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlarStarsFanFics/pseuds/SlarStarsFanFics
Summary: She handed the larger woman a small slip of paper.It was the results of the blood test.That can’t be right…
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Grace Hargreeves & The Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves & The Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Luther Hargreeves
Series: Hey Girl, Open Your Walls [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1499924
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	She Turns To Those Liars, The Candles Or The Moon

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Mirror by Sylvia Plath. 
> 
> I got this idea from [This Fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23353150/chapters/55948456) , which is REALLY GOOD so check it out!!!
> 
> Like in my other stories, I seriously suggest caution, read the tags, stay safe:)
> 
> The list of who is who is in the first fic from this series, which I recommend that you read before this, even though it’s kinda crap. It gives a lot of context.

Lucille avoided mirrors. They showed her things that she wanted to avoid with staggering clarity. The body that her father forced onto her drove her to tears. 

She wore layer upon layer, trying to hide her deformities. Nothing stopped the feeling in her gut that screamed that this was wrong. 

She stumbled onto her bed, cringing at the creak that it made. She slipped into dreams. 

_Someone was touching her._

_Wrong_

_Wrong_

_W r o n g_

_W r o n g_

_NO_

* * *

  
There were no mirrors in her bathroom anymore, she had made sure of it. Food came up her throat after shoving her fingers down. It hurt. It always hurt, but it felt like the only way. 

She had been feeling gross for the last week or so, and her family left her be for the most part, (for the first time in three weeks.) She felt woozy all the time and got constant headaches. She just chalked it up to her little habit.

Someone knocked on her door. She frowned, then opened it up. “Five, what is it?”

“What’s wrong with you?” Five asked

“What do you mean?”

“I heard you vomiting, what’s wrong? Did you relapse?” She asked. 

_Shit_.

“I haven’t been feeling well. It’s fine, don’t worry. Probably just a stomach bug, you know?”

Five’s eyes narrowed. “You should see Mom. You’ve been sick for a week, that’s not normal for a stomach bug.”

“I’m fine Five.”

Five glared at her. Lucille sighed.

“Fine. I’ll ask her to take a look later.”

Five nodded mutely. 

“Come down for dinner. It’s in twenty minutes.” She walked away. 

Relief filled Lucille’s body. But she knew that Five wouldn’t drop it this easily. 

So she grabbed a coat and went downstairs. She wouldn't eat, she decided. But her father always did say that it was important to keep up appearances. 

* * *

Lucille Hargreeves was many things, but a liar wasn’t one of them. But sometimes she needed a reminder to keep her promises. 

Klemintine pressed a finger to her cheek to wake her at 9:45 AM. “Wakey wakey, my love. Little ol’ Number Five wanted me to remind you of your appointment with our dear Mother.”

Lucille groaned. She knew that Five wouldn’t drop it. The younger/older girl had been staring at her all throughout dinner. 

She let Klemintine pull her out of bed and downstairs to the infirmary. 

She hated the infirmary. That’s where she turned from a beauty to a beast. The thought of entering that room made her feel ill. 

Grace met them at the door and led her to the cot. She did the usual tests, just to make sure that there was no underlying issues.

“Alright dear, all that’s left to do now is a blood test. It will just take a second.” She said with her usual smile, face framed with her golden curls.

As children, her siblings loved to point out how similar Lucille and their mother looked. They shared golden locks, blue eyes, and pretty faces tied together with a smile. A theory was proposed that their father designed her that way on purpose. Lucille didn’t see the resemblance now. 

Once the test was done, she headed back upstairs. She found her nails wandering and digging into her upper arms, drawing blood. 

_That’s where he-_

Nope. Better not to think about that.

(Yet it’s all that she could think about.)

* * *

The next few days were a haze. She mostly slept, but when she was awake, she felt like eating. But not things that you’d normally want to eat, it was strange things. This time when she awoke, she was craving pickles. 

_I don’t even like pickles._

She snuck downstairs the best she could with her heavy gait and threw the fridge door open. She grabbed the pickle jar off a shelf and moved to the counter. Sometimes Lucille forgot that she was how she was and that she couldn’t sit on the counter like she used too. Instead, she grabbed a fork, leaned back on the counter with her elbows and dug in. 

The nightgown that she was wearing was modest to an extreme. The creamy silk sleeves draped over her hands and the skirt reached the floor. The collar rested on her throat. Mom had made it for her after her accident. 

“ _A girl should always have a little bit of comfort.”_ She had said.

Lucille didn’t feel much like a girl anymore, but she hadn’t argued. 

“What are you doing up, Lucy?”

She jumped. Bree stared at her from the doorway. 

“I like your dress. It’s pretty.” The ghostly girl said. 

“Thanks.”

Bree hoisted herself up onto the counter, swinging her legs. “Sooo. What are you doing up at this time of night?”

“I was hungry I guess.”

That seemed to put Bree at ease, as her face softened. Their relationship was built on quiet moments like these. Arms wrapped around each other's waists, reading their favourite books in a mutual and comfortable silence, a head leaned on a shoulder, or, like now, stealing moments at the wee hours of the night. 

“I think Five wants to show you something. She came to check on you earlier, but you were still asleep. She said it was urgent.”

“It probably has something to do with the medical test results.”

Bree nodded. Moonlight spilled through the window and illuminated their faces. It reflected off of Lucy’s nightgown and Bree’s jacket. It was the same jacket that she had worn when she died. That disturbed Lucille somewhere down in her gut. 

“I was there you know.”

She made a confused noise in response. 

“ I was there,” Bree repeated. “When you got hurt. ‘Tina was in a better place than usual, and I decided to come visit you. It was probably the worst time for me to visit.”

Lucy nodded. It was.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you. I wanted to, so badly, but I just couldn’t.”

“Don’t be sorry, you didn’t have any choice.”

“Neither did you.” The younger woman deadpanned. “I’ve never wanted to hurt someone so badly than when dad did _it._ When you flatlined, I shouldn't have been relieved, it's horrible that I was relieved. But you would have been out of that terrible place, and I think deep down, I was happy that I didn't have to be alone anymore. I would have been able to touch somebody for the first time in years…”

Lucy stared at the floor. She didn’t blame her sister for these feelings, after all, she had felt similar things when she was alone. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have dumped that on you…” 

“No, it’s fine. That’s what sisters are for.”

Bree grinned at her, and for once, Lucille felt somewhat at peace.

* * *

Five confronted her that morning, cornering her in the library. Lucy had felt like reading, and for some reason, a part of her wanted to read aloud, as if someone was listening.

“The results for your blood test came back.”

“Okay. Am I sick or something?”

“Not quite. Come with me.”

Instead of blinking them both away, like she usually would in a situation like this, but instead, Five pulled her by the hand to the infirmary. 

“So, I’m not sure how to break this to you, so I’m just going to get you to read this.” She handed the larger woman a small slip of paper. 

It was the results of the blood test. 

_That can’t be right…_

“What is this, that’s not normal…”

“You’re pregnant.” 

Lucille felt faint. 

_No, no nonononononono!_

“That can’t be right, no! No, I can’t be!”

“But you are. You’re about six weeks along actually. But that would mean that you had relations during our Apocalypse prevention…”

Lucille felt her chest constrict and her breathing sped up. Her vision doubled and she fell back onto the bed with her almost hitting the wall. 

_Nononononononono_

_It would have to be his, I can't-_

_I shouldn't have- I should have stopped him, I should have pushed him off or-_

She heard a loud whimper. Was that her? 

Someone was hushing her gently. A small hand touched her own, another reached up and wiped away the wetness on her face. 

”It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It will be fine, I promise.”

”I should be ashamed, I didn't… It's not what I wanted, I shouldn't have-” she let out a loud sob. 

”Shit, ” Five said, shocked. ”Is that what Desiree was fired up about? That's, oh… Oh no. You still have _nothing to be ashamed of!_ ” She ran a hand through her brown bob. ”I’m sorry, that's- I'm gonna kill that bastard!”

”I think Dee beat you to it.” Lucille choked out, attempting to smile. She sat up and tried to compose herself. ”I didn't even know that I could have kids, what with this…” She gestured to herself.

”Yes, well life is full of surprises.” The girl paused. “Are you… are you going to keep it?”

That stopped Lucille in her tracks. She hadn't even thought about that. She had never thought too much about being a mother. Having a superhero for a parent didn't sound appealing to her, and she didn't want to subject a child to that. This _person_ had caused this, had done this to her. She didn’t choose this. She probably wasn’t emotionally prepared, and yet… something about the idea of being a mother tugged on her heartstrings. She wanted this child.

“You don’t have to decide yet, but it’s an important question.”

”I- I am.”

“You’re sure?” The Girl asked, earnest.

“I’m sure.” She reiterated. 

”Alright.” Five said, resting a hand on her shoulder. ”Now, you'll have to tell the others, so I'll leave you to figure that out. Unless you want me to stay?” 

”I think I'm okay. I need some time alone right now.”

So Five blinked out. 

Lucy unconsciously flattened her palm over her stomach. 

_Well, you're stacking up to be quite a bit of trouble, aren't you?_ She thought with the best smile she could muster. She only got a wave of nausea as a response.

* * *

Five had gathered their siblings into the living room, then asked Grace to make hot cocoa for them all. 

“What are we doing here again?” Desiree asked.

“You’ll see, now shut up.”

“Where’s Lucy?” Alexander asked.

“You’ll see. Shut up.”

Lucy walked in and dropped onto an armchair. She started playing with the frays of her jacket cuffs.

Desiree wasn’t having it. 

“I’m sorry, why are we here?” 

Five blinked over to Lucille’s armchair. 

“Should I tell them or do you want to?”

“No, I can do it.”

“TELL US WHAT?”

She bit her lip, looking extremely awkward and uncomfortable. She looked at Alexander.

“Well, let's just say that Claire will have a cousin soon…”

The room exploded with chairs slamming and yells of shock. 

“WHAT?”

Lucille buried her head in her hands. 

_I knew this would happen._

Throughout the commotion, Klemintine moved across the room and grabbed her hand, squeezing it a little bit. She was one of the four people who knew exactly _how_. She had been there after all.

“Are you okay?”

Lucy nodded slightly. “I will be.”

Eventually, the commotion calmed. Everyone had sat back in their seats, (except Klemintine, who decided that the armrest of her armchair was a perfectly acceptable seat.) and Grace had brought the tray of hot cocoa in.

“Happy becoming-a-grandmother-again day, Mom,” Vance said blankly.

“Really? Oh, how wonderful!” She gave her oldest daughter a gentle but firm hug, then handed her the mug. It had the most marshmallows in it. Lucy accepted it with a smile and a kiss to the cheek. 

“I’m sorry,” Alexander said, clearly still processing. “When the hell did you get knocked up?”

Desiree went pale. “That asshole, I’m going to crack his skull all over again.”

“It’s alright-“

“NO, IT’S NOT!”

“What are you guys talking about?” Vance interjected. Desiree turned to her sister with a mix of concern and righteous fury in her face. 

“Should I tell them now, or do you want to leave?”

_Should I leave?_

Lucy shook her head. 

“It’s okay, go ahead.”

_I can deal._

So Desiree explained in the best (and briefest) way she could, with Klemintine chiming in with details a couple of times. Lucy zoned out almost as soon as the story started. She was tired of reliving that night, but now she’ll have a reminder of it for the rest of her life. 

Klemintine adjusted her position so that she could hug her big sister, and then she rested her pointy chin on top of her hair. Her long fingers brushed away the tears on her cheeks.

After the initial outrage that broke out in the room, it was scarily quiet. Lucille felt a wave of insecurity hit her.

“Are- are you keeping it?” Vance asked.

“Yeah… yeah, I am.”

They all voiced their support and gathered around her.) Lucille let out a breath that she didn’t know she was holding. Her sister hadn’t let go of her yet, and she was fine with that. 

Five clasped their fingers together. Her small hand looked even smaller in her grasp. 

Bree appeared, blue and fuzzy around the edges. She rested a wispy hand on her lower abdomen. 

“Hello, baby.” She whispered.

Lucy choked out a wet laugh. Maybe she would be alright.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,  
> Searching my reaches for what she really is.  
> Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.  
> I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.  
> She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.  
> I am important to her. She comes and goes.  
> Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.  
> In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman  
> Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.  
> \- Sylvia Plath, Mirror


End file.
